i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
