Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize