Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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