She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
