her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
