I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
