Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
