My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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