I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
