think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
