No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
