Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
