just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
