in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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