She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
