Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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