yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
