Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
