After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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