u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
