i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
