my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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