Do you still have your period?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We have started to decorate penises.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
