i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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