i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
