I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
