can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
