Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
