i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
