couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
