after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
