I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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