remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
