Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
