and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
