Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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