just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
