I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize