I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
