my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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