I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
