did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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