the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
