The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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