I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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