This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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