You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
