Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
