i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
