Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
