Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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