remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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