My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
