guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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