dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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