yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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