one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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