so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
