Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
