he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Text me some of your sweat
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
