she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
