using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize