Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
