Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Say something about gay babies.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
