After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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