This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
