When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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