Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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