You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
