and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
