I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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