Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
