she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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