thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
