He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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