3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
