I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
