This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
