his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
