after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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