I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
