her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
