I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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