I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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