There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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