I wish my penis had an off switch
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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