# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
