I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Actions speak louder than pants.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
