can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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