There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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