At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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