We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
