Someone shit on the floor
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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