Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
