Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
