my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize