Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
