Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
