I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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