So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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