you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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