We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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