Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
