I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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