I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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